THE Must-Have Gift List

So, what’s on your holiday wish list?

Me… I’ve been eyeing a pair of black suede boots and an antique birdbath.

(What can I say… I’m a Vanity Fair-meets-Southern Living kinda gal these days.)

As much as I’d love for Santa Baby (ok, Steve) to slip these gifts under the tree – for me – I realize at some point the boots’ll wear out and my feathered friends will crap all over that beautiful birdbath.

And you know what? When I close my eyes at the end of a rough day (or the middle of a crisis), it’s not boots or birdbaths that I want.

What I must have is…

Hope.

Comfort.

Clarity.

Safety… security… serenity.

Peace.

And some tender loving care. (The kind that won’t quit.)

Aren’t those the gifts we all want? All 8 billion of us?

What if I told you they could be yours? Guaranteed delivery. What if I told you there’s a prince waiting to bestow everything your soul longs for.

A Prince… of Peace.

A Protector. Comforter. Counselor. Listener. Lover.

He’s ready/waiting/willing/able to give you what you ache to have.

Himself.

It’s Jesus we’re desperate for.

He is the gift.

But there’s a catch. Neither you nor I can receive him… until we open our hearts wide and bare our souls. And tragically, most of us won’t ever do that.

Unless… until… we realize how desperate we really are.

Most of us are pretty obtuse. We don’t even realize we need Jesus in the first place. But even those of us who do, we rarely want to admit that our self-sufficiency is… well… insufficient.

(It’s called foolish pride for a reason.)

Not to mention the fact that without him, we remain unforgiven… beholden to our failures and faults, riddled with guilt and shame.

I’ve got my share, that’s for sure:

I’m selfish.

Stubborn.

Lazy at times.

I jockey for position and play favorites.

I indulge my pride with self-pity… or a runaway sense of entitlement.

(Just scratching the surface here.)

If I dig deeper, I uncover…

I’m weak-willed, short-sighted, much-afraid.

I interrupt and interfere. I try to control things – and people! – far beyond my reach and resources (a limited perspective and lack of power, for starters).

But the beautiful thing (beneath all that muck and mire) is that I know it.

I know myself.

And self-awareness is a precious commodity. Because it can lead straight to contrition.

(That’s the part where I own it.)

And contrition can lead straight to confession.

(That’s when I admit it.)

If I choose not to duck/dodge/deflect blame for my own s&*t.

God knows it all anyway. So I may as well unburden myself.

Plead guilty, if you will.

(And breathe a huge sigh of relief.)

Exhale guilt and shame; inhale mercy and grace.

Come clean… and come near.

That’s the invitation of Christmas.

To gaze up at the heavens and turn your heart toward the One who created them… and you.

He knows all about you – the good, the bad, the ugly. And here’s the really crazy thing:

He adores you.

No, really.

And nothing you’ve ever done – or will do – changes that.

How can it be? That our God, our Gift, can see us so clearly… and love us with such unflinching devotion?

It’s inexplicable.

A Christmas miracle.

And now – this year, this day, here and now – it’s our turn. To come clean and come near.

Open your heart wide, bare your soul, believe.

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of… Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. ~ Romans 5:1-2 (The Message)

Oh, come let us adore him.

Wendy

Birds, Bees and the Buzz About Gender

Pretty sure I’m going to get some blowback on this one. Which is ok… I welcome discussion. (Passionate is fine; nasty is not.)

Perhaps we can just follow the classroom rules of my son’s kindergarten teacher:

No name-calling.

No screaming.

No spitting.

I don’t know about you, but when I watch the news I’m both horrified and heartbroken by the prevalence of war in our world.

Geopolitical wars.

Guerrilla wars.

Civil wars.

And uncivil ones too.

Culture wars. Information wars. Ideological wars.

(Is it just me? Or does it seem they’re all escalating?)

The latest involves an NCAA swimmer, pregnant prisoners and legislation regarding elementary education. (Not going to wade into those waters here. Sorry to disappoint.)

All I know is this:

When God created humankind, he made them in the likeness of God. Male and female he created them…

Distinctly… beautiful.

If that concept rankles, here’s my rhetorical question:

Isn’t that exactly what we’ve been working toward all this time?

Celebrating our differences, our distinctiveness, our diversity? (Maybe I’m missing something but why does this concept apply to race, religion, orientation… and not gender?)

Listen, the last thing I want to do in this space is provoke, incite or infuriate. I want to be one of those blessed peacemakers. I really do.

And I want to be the best kind of friend to my loved ones who are wildly different from each other (and me). Because why would anyone want to be a lousy friend?

I’m blessed with family, friends and lovely acquaintances who are far-left and right-wing. Atheist, agnostic and devout (Jews/ Christians/ Muslims/ Buddhists/ Universalists). White collar, blue collar, no collar. A sublime array of races/creeds/colors. Single, separated, married, consciously uncoupled, divorced. Straight, scared straight…

And LGBTQ.

I cherish them all.

So I’ll gladly use their preferred pronouns. For the same reason I will ask the person sitting next to me on the plane if they prefer I wear my mask.

Because…

Respectfulness.

Kindness.

Care.

These are pretty simple, practical ways I can love my neighbor.

I get one shot at this.

And I’m not throwing away my shot!

(Couldn’t help myself.)

I’ve got one chance to get this right.

One lifetime – day by day – to live and love the way Jesus does.

And here’s what I’ve come to realize:

Often I have no clue about a person’s backstory. Their upbringing or education or relationships. Their poverty, privilege or present circumstances. Their trauma or tender places.

Or why they see themselves a certain way.

When I was six years old, I thought babies came from heaven… and came out through Mom’s belly button.

But I knew boys and girls had inherent distinctions: anatomical and physiological. (Though I had no idea how to spell those words or what they meant.)

In other words…

Follow the science.

The problem is… we don’t always like the science. We want to change the science, bend it to our will, re-shape it, re-package it and re-present it to the seeing world.

We’ve invented colored contact lenses and sunless self-tanning lotions and cosmetic surgeries/dental veneers/Botox. And when those fail, we can improvise with editing tools and filters.

Because we want control over our bodies… and our images.

I’m no different. I use whitening toothpaste and wrinkle cream and Spanx. And my lovely stylist Rachel whips up a “potion” that magically eliminates the grey from my hair and makes it fifty shades of auburn again. (Love that. And her.)

And since I’m no different, I surely can’t/shouldn’t/won’t point a finger or wag my tongue. I agree that chromosomes – while they may seem ill-fitting – are telling. That’s called biology.

But if someone feels “trapped” in the anatomy of a gender that doesn’t “match,” shouldn’t that evoke compassion, rather than ridicule? Tender care rather than harsh judgement? Mercy rather than malice?

Shouldn’t it compel us to convey the most comforting/compelling/conclusive truths about who they are?

You are special.

You are wonderful.

You are beautiful.

You are one-in-a-trillion, a true original.

Because God says so. (Your Maker.) He’s an innovative designer, nurturing parent, brilliant artist, loving friend.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day
. ~ Psalm 139:13-16

We need to teach our children their intrinsic value… and affirm their infinite worth. We can acknowledge their physiological differences without regarding one or another as inferior or impeded. We ought to relate from a starting point of kindness and care so we can all safely reach our (divine) destination.

We can heal the world by seeing – through loving lenses – and listening – to truly hear – and loving – deeply and well.

If we don’t, we will lose an entire generation to isolation, disassociation, despair.

The time is now.

May Day!

Wendy

P.S. You can’t love your neighbor, if you never get to know them. When was the last time you had someone who doesn’t look/sound/talk/think like you into your home? How often do you invite someone with opposing views (on anything – religion, politics, pastries) for coffee and conversation? Start with “hello” and a smile and see where it goes.

Capitol Letter

I guess it’s true what they say about history repeating itself.

The ‘20s are roaring, all right.

I’ll spare us the recap of 2020, but let’s just say that ‘21 is adding insult to injury… and we’re only 10 days in.

In case you’ve been sound asleep for the past week (zero judgment here; 2020 took a heavy toll), all hell just broke loose in our Capitol.

The images I saw on the news looked eerily like footage of foreign coups. The stuff of haunting historical accounts and cold-sweat nightmares.

If you – like me – are a glass-half-full kind of person, perhaps you’ve been denying what suddenly seems patently obvious:

The two-party political system has some glaring weaknesses.

Our democracy is indeed flawed.

This nation is deeply (irreversibly?) divided.

And now… our republic totters.

In the aftermath of Wednesday’s unsettling attack, I hope this is also clear:

The riot/revolt/terrorism that took place this past week should be widely – and loudly – condemned. Every single person involved in this deadly attack in our Capitol should – without delay – be arrested, charged and prosecuted (regardless of who they are… or who they know).

Here’s what I really don’t get, though…

A whole lot of folks who ranted and raved last spring about widespread looting, destruction of property and bodily harm are responding to this latest display of lawlessness quite differently:

  1. Denying that law enforcement’s response to this attack would have been vastly different if the mob was mostly people of color.
  2. Refusing to utter (or type) a single word denouncing their reprehensible actions.

Some of the same people who so loudly decried the protests-turned-riots after George Floyd’s murder are suddenly (but not surprisingly) silent.

*crickets*

This is what happens when platforms promote (and proliferate) pride and prejudice.

When politics become paramount.

When parties become idols.

When people become targets.

When power-hungry politicians stoke and ratings-chasing pundits provoke and “we the people” tweet/post, this is where we wind up.

Every. Single. Time.

This is what happens when we lose our way… and stray from the Way.

Over the past decade or so, I’ve watched countless Americans pledge allegiance to their preferred political party, claim its platform is the “Christian” one, and make Capitol Hill the hill they’re willing to die on.

(I’ve said this before but maybe it bears repeating: If you’re a follower of Jesus the only hill you/we/I should be willing to die on is… Calvary.)

Obsession is dangerous.

Because obsession is idolatry.

Period.

In the modern world, our idols aren’t fashioned from wood/clay/stone… but they’re just as real. Like our ancestors, we’re easily persuaded that something or someone other than God will save/soothe/satisfy us.

Here’s the truth:

Trump isn’t king. Biden isn’t savior. (Harris isn’t either, BTW.) And neither political party – nor Congress, nor the Supreme Court – could possibly protect us, provide for us or achieve lasting peace.

Listen, if you want to take a deep dive into political ideology, feel free… but I suggest you make sure the water you’re swimming in isn’t toxic.

Or shark-infested.

Personally, I prefer wading in the clean, calm waters where Jesus is.

The Lord is my shepherd. He gives me everything I need.
He lets me lie down in fields of green grass.
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He gives me new strength.
He guides me in the right paths for the honor of his name.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid.
You are with me.
Your shepherd’s rod and staff comfort me

I am sure that your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life. And I will live in the house of the Lord forever. ~ Psalm 23:1-4, 6 (NIRV)

I don’t know about you, but I’m growing weary of this place. Planet Earth, that is.

The problems.

The politics.

The pain, suffering and sorrow.

Last week – while insurgents stormed the Capitol – I visited a very dear friend who’s on hospice. As heartbreaking as it is to see him dying, I’m relieved he’s leaving this shattered world. And I’m thankful he’ll soon be safely home…

In the house of the Lord… forever.

See, heaven isn’t a figment of his (or my) imagination. It’s a promise.

And the Bible isn’t a fairy tale. It’s a road map back to the Way, the handbook of immutable Truth, and a comprehensive guide to Life. (Crack it open and see for yourself.)

When all hell breaks loose, there’s really only one thing to do:

Get low.

Kneel. Seek God. Bare our souls. Get comfortable being uncomfortably honest. Admit our mistakes/sins/self-made messes. Be humble. Ask for help from the only One truly able to fix what’s broken in this country… and in our hearts.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.  Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, steadfast in your faith, for you know that your brothers and sisters in all the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering.  And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. ~ 1 Peter 5:6-10 (NRSV)

Steady on.

Wendy

P.S. Want equity and justice? So does God. Got peace? It’s free for the asking.

Yes I Am

White and privileged, that is.

And frankly I’m dismayed that some attempt to deny it. They fuss and carry on, claiming “white privilege” doesn’t exist.

“White privilege” is a lot like it sounds:

Being white and being privileged. I am what I am. And denying it is absurd. (And bordering on delusional.)

White.

Lily white. That’s me.

To quote Lady Gaga, “Baby, I was born this way.”

Fair-skinned with a smattering of freckles and a tendency to burn in direct sunlight.

Privileged.

Yep, that too. I grew up and got my degree in the comfort and security of upper-middle-class suburbia. Intact family. Good education. Quality healthcare. Resources galore.

The fact is, so many of us in this nation are privileged. In some cases (to some degree) because of whiteness; in other cases, perhaps not.

Let me be clear.

Being white and privileged doesn’t mean your life is perfect. It doesn’t mean you never had to strive/strain/struggle. It doesn’t mean you didn’t have to make tough decisions or be resilient/relentless to attain certain things. It doesn’t mean you haven’t had to work hard/smart/long to pay your bills or sacrifice mightily to get where you wanted to go. And it certainly doesn’t mean you’ve never been a victim of misjudgment, mistreatment, crime or calamity. It simply means ethnicity hasn’t been one of your hurdles.

“White privilege doesn’t mean your life hasn’t been hard; it means that your skin color isn’t one of the things making it harder.” (Not sure who said this, but… #realitycheck.)

My whiteness automatically places me in the majority in the U.S. And in many cases, it identifies me with the “people in charge” around here. Can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure my whiteness makes me less likely to be viewed with discomfort, fear, or suspicion, at least by the rest of the majority. (I daresay there’s less presumption when you walk around being white… than any other color. Safety in numbers.)

And while pride and prejudice aren’t strictly white “diseases,” they still run rampant in some circles.

Ugh.

No one is better than anyone else, period. (Let alone because of color.)

For God does not show favoritism. (Romans 2:11)

Sadly though, there’s a lingering air of superiority in a few of the wealthy, mostly-white neighborhoods I’ve visited. I know I’m not the only one that can smell that stale stink… Can we open the proverbial windows and let in some fresh air, for heaven’s sake?

Because a superiority complex is ugly… and ungodly.

As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)

See?

And on the heels of superiority come its partners in crime and co-conspirators:

Suppression. Oppression. Hate.

(And when hate happens, things get ugly… quickly.)

As far as I can tell we’re all descended from the same original bloodline. So in essence, that means there’s only one race:

The human one.

img_2449

(And btw, can we please try to keep the “kind” in humankind?)

How about we start here? Take a few steps outside our comfort zone. Befriend someone outside our demographic. Listen, if my only friends were white, middle-aged, married, Midwestern, mom-types (the list could go on, narrowing my circle based on identity politics and personal preferences)… my life would be so sad and small. And frankly, the more I spend time with people who – at first glance – seem vastly different from me, the more I realize how much we have in common. (When I make a frittata, it doesn’t matter whether I use brown eggs or white ones. Breakfast is fantastic either way. Because what’s inside the shell is… the same.)

So, what if we just quit labelling our neighbors and start loving them?

For real.

Instead of pot-stirrers, let’s be peacemakers.

Listening to each others’ stories and learning from them. Welcoming our neighbors – black and white and every color in between – into our lives, homes, hearts.

Instead of “us” and “them” – let’s be… we.

Collectively, we’ve got to resist the temptation (however weak or strong) to  judge/label/belittle/demean someone simply because their complexion (or community) is a shade different than our own.

I think Benjamin Watson said it best: “Racism is not a skin problem. It’s a sin problem.”

Discrimination = sin. Disdain = sin. Divisiveness = sin.

Yes, we’re all sinners. You, me, every human being that’s ever been born. But you know what I want to be when I grow up?

Revolutionary.

A revolutionary for love.

*Full disclosure: In a previous draft, I used the word “colorblind.” My intent was to convey impartiality, fairness, justice… but instead, I unknowingly “erased” the uniqueness and value of all of our God-given beauty and diversity. My sincerest apologies to those whom I offended. (And many thanks to a dear friend who turned me on to the phrase “revolutionary for love.” I dig it. And I’m aiming for just that.)

I think that was Dr. King’s dream for all of us. To be love revolutionaries. To look at character instead of color. To see aspirations not appearances. To treat people with kindness and respect, regardless of skin tone or eye color or body type. Regardless of race, religion, gender, socioeconomic or immigration status, sexual orientation, genetic differentiation, diagnosis or disability.

Fair and impartial treatment. Common decency.

That’s what I understand social justice to mean.

Dr. King was a preacher and an activist. The Bible was his instruction manual. (Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.) He believed it and taught it and lived it. He wasn’t flawless, but he was forgiven. He wasn’t perfect… but he was prophetic. He wasn’t fearless… but he was free.

Free at last. 

The night before he was assassinated, Dr. King gave a speech at a church in Memphis, and he talked about things that would/could/should change the world right before his – and our – eyes. He taught scripture. He preached fairness and forgiveness. He promoted radical humility:

Let us develop a kind of dangerous unselfishness, he said.

He spent a good deal of time that evening re-telling Jesus’ story about the Good Samaritan – who risked life and limb to aid a stranger in need, when others (“religious men”) would not. He talked about sacrificial kindness and compassion and what might hinder it.

Busyness, bigotry, “blindness” to the victim’s plight.

Or perhaps…

Fear.

But I’m going to tell you what my imagination tells me. It’s possible that those men were afraid. You see, the Jericho road is a dangerous road. I remember when Mrs. King and I were first in Jerusalem. We rented a car and drove from Jerusalem down to Jericho. And as soon as we got on that road, I said to my wife, “I can see why Jesus used this as the setting for his parable.” It’s a winding, meandering road. It’s really conducive for ambushing. You start out in Jerusalem, which is about… 1200 feet above sea level. And by the time you get down to Jericho, fifteen or twenty minutes later, you’re about 2200 feet below sea level. That’s a dangerous road. In the days of Jesus it came to be known as the “Bloody Pass.” And you know, it’s possible that the priest and the Levite looked over that man on the ground and wondered if the robbers were still around. Or it’s possible that they felt that the man on the ground was merely faking. And he was acting like he had been robbed and hurt, in order to seize them over there, lure them there for quick and easy seizure. And so the first question that the priest asked — the first question that the Levite asked was, “If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?” But then the Good Samaritan came by. And he reversed the question: “If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?”

That’s the question before you tonight.

And that’s the question before us still.

Are we willing to show sacrificial kindness and compassion to others – black, brown, fair or freckled? Or are we going to let our own fears or busyness or bigotry or “blindness” to others’ needs get in the way of love and mercy?

We were put here to help. Not simply help ourselves to whatever we can grab. But how willing are we to use whatever resources (and yes, privileges) we possess for the good of others? Even if it’s inconvenient. Or costly. Or difficult. Or downright dangerous.

Dr. King didn’t hesitate. He just did what God told him to do:

Justice.

Mercy.

Humility.

( ^ See Micah 6:8.)

Because he knew the eventual (eternal) outcome:

Glory.

Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop.

And I don’t mind.

Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!

And so I’m happy tonight. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man!

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the LORD!

The man who spoke those words the night before he was murdered knew that his dream and his mission could cost him his life. But he was undeterred and unafraid. This was a man willing to practice what he preached. And what Jesus lived (and died) to demonstrate…

Dangerous unselfishness.

Hello, my name is Wendy. I’m white and privileged and determined to live dangerously. (Honoring Dr. King… by following his King.)

Chasing the dream,

Wendy

P.S. Today is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s 90th birthday, and I have no doubt the celebration is heavenly. (Jesus prepared the place.) The Promised Land has plenty of room… and everyone’s welcome. Join us?

 

Confessions of an Impatient, Imperfect, Nit-Picking Parent

(This one’s for all the mommas who reached the end of their patience before the end of the summer.)

Anyone who’s been a parent for more than 72 hours knows this…

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

You’ve got to be tough and tender, flexible and firm, instantly responsive and exceedingly patient. And that’s just for starters.

Last week was one of the worst in my parenting career. And I’ve had some doozies, believe me. After 28 and a half years on the job, I still haven’t mastered it. Not even close. (To be fair, though, the job description has changed… weekly.)

Recently – regrettably – I stooped to a new low. I did the underhanded interrogator/ overbearing drill sergeant/uppity church lady routine. And my 20-something was having none of it. So I let it go.

(In my dreams.)

No, the truth is… I didn’t let it go. I dug in deeper. I scoffed, scowled, and scolded. Meddled, muddled, manipulated, and just generally made a mess of things. Thankfully, my kid is the forgiving type. (If he were a grudge-holder, I’d be toast.)

The devil didn’t make me do it. It was all me.

Yeah, sometimes you just fall flat on your face… and suck mud.

I sucked.

I’ve always wanted to be the mom who’s willing to play the game, read the story, stack the blocks again (for the eleventh time in a row). The one who starts the ticklefest, the water war, the pillow fight. The one who throws impromptu cupcake/fingerpaint/Play-Doh parties for the littles and French press/film fest/Fortnite parties for the bigs. The mom who’s attentive and affectionate, wise and witty, playful and prayerful, faithful and FUN. I want to be the welcoming committee, sounding board, prayer team, and biggest fan.

And on my best days, I am.

But…

I can be lazy, short-sighted, selfish, impatient, presumptuous and downright b!#<%y too. (If not for coffee and Jesus, there’d be no survivors.)

When I feel stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, I get irritable, inflexible, unreasonable. And the more I say, the more I sin.

I overstate, exaggerate, manipulate. I assume, accuse, cajole and – (wince) – judge.

Thank God for this:

Love covers a multitude of sins.

(Can I get a “Hallelujah” from all the other humans with offspring?)

A mom friend once said to me: Little kids, little problems. Big kids, bigger problems. At the time, I remember thinking, Have you ever tried to extract a Polly Pocket playset piece from the itsy bitsy teeny tiny nasal cavity of a writhing, hysterical toddler? That’s a very small, VERY BIG problem.

But now I get it.

Instead of spilled milk, mysterious rashes and choking hazards… it’s speeding tickets, sexting and cyber bullies.

(It’s excruciating… waiting for the whole “cause and effect” concept to take hold.)

Lord, have mercy.

I do think it’s pretty great that God chose to make newborns stationary. You plop them down someplace and – miraculously – they stay right where you left them. I believe He did this to give new parents a chance to acclimate to having a very small, very needy human being in close proximity, one who’s incessantly hungry/thirsty/sleepy/poopy. At least they stay put. But not for long. Soon, they get rolling… and “sit, stay” rarely happens again. Their inclination is to scooch, crawl, walk, or ride their bikes as far from us as possible. Next thing you know, they’re 16, 17, 18, 19… and they’re asking for the keys so they can drive away. Far, far away. Into the big city. Or the mountains. (In Colorado.)

From the time they take their first steps, we encourage our kids to seek and savor independence. But what we don’t realize is that the more independent they become, the less control we have. And the more terrifying it is. And, well…

Desperate mommas do desperate things.

When it comes right down to it, most of my parenting failures are a direct result of my own anxiety and insecurities. Though it pains me to admit it, I often parent from a place of fear, pride, or a pretty anemic notion of love.

Let’s face it: parental fears are persistent… and plentiful. Injury, illness, insect bites and infestations. (If you’ve never had to wield a fine-toothed nit comb and lice-killing cream rinse, you should drop to your knees right now and give thanks with a grateful heart.)

The world is a perilous place to grow up. Not only do we have to worry about mean girls, bad boys, bullies and predators; we now need to issue urgent warnings about opiods, active shooters and texting/driving fatalities.

Worse yet, even when my kids manage to steer clear of the danger zone, I turn and fall headlong into another “parent trap.”

Pride.

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made is parenting by popular opinion. (It’s a minefield, littered with high horses, haughtiness, blame and shame. Don’t go there.)

Another biggie was openly (and smugly) stating all the things I’d never do if my son _______________ or when my daughter ________________.

Pride goes before destruction and haughtiness before a fall.

Yep.

Invariably, that very thing you swore you’d never do… you’ll do it. And discover you’ve tumbled headfirst into the pit of despair (with all the other demoralized, defeated, derelict parents). You’re facedown, eating crow. And there’s only one thing to do.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

(He’s got strong arms.)

But the thing I most regret in all my years of parenting is this:

Conditional love.

I love you if you…

I love you when you…

I love you… but…

Not only am I guilty. I’m a repeat offender.

I dole out love in meager doses… or with a laundry list of prerequisites.

Why can’t I just love him freely and fully just the way he is? Why don’t I love her lavishly even when/if/though… Why can’t I just pour out love like there’s unlimited free refills? Splash it all around? Drench my kids in kindness and mercy and grace?

Maybe because I haven’t steeped long enough in Love and Living Water myself. Maybe because I don’t often enough go to my Father for advice. Maybe because I’m inclined to keep wandering far, far away. Which is pretty foolish… because I’m lost without Him.

The only perfect parent is the One enthroned above. His love never fails.

He’s a good, good Father.

And His mercies are new every morning… Before the alarm goes off and the lunches are made and the backpacks are loaded. (Even before the coffee is done brewing.)

What a relief!

Wendy

P.S. One last confession: I was not (and never have been) the momma who shed a few tears on the first day of school. I was the one doing the happy dance all the way home from the bus stop.